I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
