she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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