i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
