Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
