Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
