So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
