Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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