No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
