the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Too much gin, very little bucket
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
