i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
