just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
