Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
