why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
