# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
