we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
