When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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