I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
