yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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