she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Randomize
