Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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