wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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