Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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