I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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