i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
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