so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
