i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
