Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We had sex on a dog bed..
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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