she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
