we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
