you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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