come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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