I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
