Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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