Umm I'm too high to move.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
