Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
