I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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