I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
