remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
