Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
