Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
