His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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