So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize