i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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