Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize