Define "chronic" masturbator.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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