Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
