I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
