Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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