her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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