Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
