I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
