I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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