saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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