when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
