I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
