I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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