Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
