90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
