Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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