"it" just moved
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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