I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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