You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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