I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
