this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
