You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
organizing the empties. That sober.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
