how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
