i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
