i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
